They fight and you Lose - You halt them - You win

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A Self Awareness site to help Men and Women deal with their Inner Patriarchs and Inner Matriarchs

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There are ways to deal with these two trouble makers.

1. Your first step is self-awareness, recognising and unmasking them and what they are doing inside you.

2. Talk to them out loud. The day you can say to your own Inner Patriarch and Inner Matriarch “I am on to you now! I can see you, I can hear you, I can feel you, I can smell you at work inside me and I am going to stop that happening!” is the day you start to reduce their power over you and begin repairing the terrible damage they have been doing to you and to your relationships.

3. From that day onwards the Inner Patriarch or the Inner Matriarch start to lose their power. They could maintain it only while they could work under-cover and without you knowing about them. Naming them out loud helps to break their cover.

4. Face the reality that their claims,for example,  that they “need your help” or that they have your best interests at heart are false and a bluff. You can free yourself from their hold and move into loving, caring grown-up relationships .

5..It’s time to send them back to the place they came from. To be successful it’s best if you work with a professional* who can guide you through a “handing back” ceremony. During this ceremony your aware grown up part speaks very firmly to the Inner Patriarch or Inner Matriarch and  explains:

• They are not one of your own Inner selves. They are like a refugee from someone else's inner village (usually a parent or grandparent). They are still loyal to that person, not to you. You have been carrying them around for most of your life not knowing they were there.
• That’s how they have been able to do all kinds of damage inside you and why they have been hurting, shaming, punishing you and your inner child.
• You as an aware grown up are now experiencing grown up healthy anger (not rage) about what they have been doing.
• You give them an inventory of the damage they have done to you, the cost to you, lost opportunities, damaged careers, lost relationships, financial losses, the pain, the shame, the sabotage and more.
• You tell them very firmly that will cease from today. They don’t belong to you. They never did.
• It’s time for them to retire. There won’t be an opportunity for them to keep working inside you as they have been until now.

6. The professional* can then guide you through a dynamic handing back process during which you return the Inner Matriarch or Patriarch back to the person it really belongs to and for whom you have been carrying that Inner Matriarch or Patriarch on your back.  It’s not possible to describe this part of the process, it’s very dynamic and involves body movement as well as speaking.

* As a trained professional, for many years, I have been guiding hundreds of individuals around the world through this ceremony (face to face on Zoom or Skype). People describe what they do there as “life changing”  Please contact me John Nutting if you would like to find out more about how you and I can work together to get rid of those old trouble makers once and for all.

 E-mail  bligh4@growingaware.com   

7. Either one or both these toxic characters are driven by a desire to stop men and women having healthy grown up relationships. In a relationship, especially an intimate one, they can wreak havoc.  Read about this in the case studies

8. There is a wonderful day ahead for both of you. That’s the day instead of reacting with anger or shame at something the Inner Matriarch or Inner patriarch has just done or said you each do something different.

That’s the day you or your partner says out loud “I can tell that was only your Inner Matriarch / Patriarch speaking. I do not like him / her and I know he / she doesn’t like me. I am so glad it wasn't the real person I love!”