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A Self Awareness site to help Men and Women deal with their Inner Patriarchs and Inner Matriarchs

Many aspects of Repetitive Self  Defeating Behaviours are similar to and and overlap with Addictive cycles.  

With RSDP one or more emotionally younger systems seem to be stuck doing the repetition even though it isn’t working.  The result each time is seriously negative or unsatisfactory.


Normally if this was happening your emotionally younger systems would work this out fairly quickly and another opposite inner self would take over. We learn by our mistakes and the more times we make the same mistake the sooner we learn to avoid making that mistake (or avoid letting that inner self drive the bus) again.


This doesn’t seem to be  happening with RSDP. The ‘learn by your mistakes’ system has been shut down. The repeated behaviour pattern is more like an automatic response, a habit or an addiction. It is not the result of rational thinking or a conscious choice. The self-aware grown -up part has gone missing.

The self-defeating behaviour happens again and again

As a result, doing the same things, saying the same things, getting into the same situations, the same pattern is repeated over many years and usually gets worse. Examples:


(NOTE:  If you are doing something functional like standing up for your rights or setting good boundaries those are not self-defeating behaviours. Keep on doing them even if people threaten you with the loss of their ‘friendship’. They are not true friends.)

Any behaviour that could be described as “repeatedly shooting yourself in the same foot” or self-sabotaging. Whatever you keep doing over and over again means more of the same familiar pain, grief, shame, guilt, fear, loss, sadness, failure or similar negative outcomes

The same pattern is often repeated in different situations or with different people.

Repeated patterns can be totally unique for each of us who suffer from RSDP so this is by no means a complete list.

For much more information on Repetitive Self Defeating Behaviours and what you can do about them, go to -

I have stored a long article highlighting recent discoveries that may explain why we repeat behaviour patterns, good or bad until they become automatic ‘habits’. Written by Charles Duhigg  in the New York Times magazine

He explains a bit about why “Left to its own devices, the brain will try to make almost any repeated behaviour into a habit, because habits allow our minds to conserve effort. “

It’s a bit psychological but if you would like a copy please e-mail me

John Nutting   

Repeated  Patterns of Self Defeating behaviour   


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