They fight and you Lose - You halt them - You win

Growing Self Awareness

Website design and content copyright © John Bligh Nutting and Growing Awareness Pty Ltd  - 2001 -2018  All rights reserved World wide

DISCLAIMER: Growing Awareness Pty Ltd as publishers of this web-site and John Bligh Nutting as author do not dispense or recommend medical or psychiatric advice, nor prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for any diagnosable medical or psychiatric condition. Any such action should only be taken by you as your personal choice and either directly or indirectly on the advice of a physician or a qualified therapist.

A Self Awareness site to help Men and Women deal with their Inner Patriarchs and Inner Matriarchs


I need to make it clear that I don’t claim to have come up with these ideas myself. I have introduced my own discoveries including dynamic processes  that work to reduce stress and feelings of vulnerability.

However I acknowledge that the originators of emotional balancing and dialoguing with the Inner Patriarch and Inner Matriarch were developed by  two amazing psychologists in the USA, Dr. Hal Stone and Dr, Sidra Stone as part of their teaching of the Psychology of the Aware Ego and the process of Voice Dialogue. I trained with them for several years during the 1990s. I also acknowledge Dr. Martha Lou Woolf who today is my trainer and mentor in this work. I continue to learn from her  on Skype and on Zoom

Your Inner Matriarch and Inner Patriarch While they Fight you Lose   - You halt them - You win

At the heart of so much of the fighting in relationships are two extremely dangerous and abnormal inner selves - the Inner Matriarch and the Inner Patriarch. I doubt that they are even real inner selves at all. They don’t act like inner selves do. They encourage fights particularly between men and women. They may express concern for protecting your vulnerability but when it comes to what they actually do it’s the opposite.

They increase your feelings of shame, guilt, fear and vulnerability!

And instead of warmth or concern for your Inner Child they criticise and scare your vulnerable inner child. Real inner selves don’t do those things.

They fight each other but one thing they have in common is that they are both dedicated to keeping all men and all women out of loving,trusting successful grown-up relationships at home, at work or anywhere else.

While these two characters are fighting they destroy our friendships, break down trust, kill love. Depending on which of the toxic two are the more powerful they can block self awareness in males or clamp females. They can stop everyone from growing their self awareness and self empowerment.

Here, you can discover ways to deal with these two dangerous characters and undo the harm they have created fighting their endless battles inside us.

To find out more about each of these toxic characters read on below.

To identify yours  you can go to

Inner Patriarch Patterns


Inner Matriarch Patterns


Most of us have an Inner Patriarch or an Inner Matriarch inside us.

But there is much we can do to reduce the damage they cause as they fight their endless  battles and try to drag us, our partners and our families into what is their war, not ours

Male or female, straight or gay or any other orientation, most of us have an Inner Patriarch or an Inner Matriarch inside us. Dealing with Inner Matriarchs and Patriarchs can involve subtle and not so subtle differences depending which one is the more powerful. It’s not about gender preferences or sexuality. It’s about the different ways they work inside you.

If your primary energy system is male you will tend to have the bigger problems with your Inner Matriarch and also with Inner Matriarchs in other people.

If your primary energy system is female you will tend to have more problems with your Inner Patriarch and with Inner Patriarchs in other people. Sidra Stone has devoted an entire book to the inner patriarch in her exceptional work “The Shadow King” where she explains what women can do to reduce the influence the negative effects of the Inner Patriarch.

On this site I am setting out something similar for males in terms of the problems they face with Inner Matriarchs.

How can I deal with these two Toxic Trouble Makers ?

There are ways to deal with these two trouble makers. The first step is self-awareness, recognising and unmasking what they are doing inside you.

The day you can say to your own Inner Patriarch and Inner Matriarch “I am on to you now! I can see you fighting inside me and it’s not going to happen any more!” is the day you start to reduce their power over you and begin repairing the terrible damage they have been doing to your relationships.

Read more about  

Stopping them

To find out more about each of these toxic characters you can go to

Inner Patriarch Patterns


Inner Matriarch Patterns


The Inner Matriarch and her arch rival the Inner Patriarch cause so much trouble and set up so much conflict in relationships.

They are each dedicated to damaging or totally destroying grown-up functional relationships at the same time as they fight each other inside you.

Learn how to identify them and how to deal with them.


Growing Awareness Websites

Growing Awareness sub-domains on these websites

Popular  links on these websites

Recommended sites