Don't Give Your Power Away
Daily you can easily give away 50% to 80% of your control of :
* Your Time
* Your Money
* Your personal skills
* You Sense of Self Worth
* Your Joy of being who we are
Yet each of these are the things that make your authentic personal power stronger.
1. If you give them away willingly and unconditionally s gifts that increases your personal power
2. If you happily trade, sell or exchange them for other benefits that’s managing your power as a resource
3. If you are forced or pressured to give them away and get little or nothing in return that’s a loss of power. That’s called “pinched” power in Australia. Pinching in Australia and the UK is common term for stealing.
Losses like those usually don’t need to happen. The best examples are losses through dishonest communication like manipulation. It’s easier for the manipulator to steal your our power if you are still stuck with an old and untrue belief that you don’t have the power to stop this happening, a sense of personal disempowerment or being a victim and feeling can’t do much about all these unbalanced losses.
There is a lot you can do about this, but first you need to be prepared to talk openly about the losses and the dishonesty involved.
You need to talk a lot more about your personal power and your sense of how much control you have over your life.
Healthy Paranoia is not a Disorder
Clinical Paranoia is a disorder in which people regularly imagine that somebody is “out to get them” in a physical sense. That’s an unreasonable fear.
Healthy paranoia is a light hearted term describing what we need do, to keep track of people who really are “out to disempower us”. If this happens to us regularly a bit of healthy paranoia will help us notice when and how those losses are about to take place and stop them happening.
Become much more alert when someone is:
* trying to reduce your power or control (whether honestly or dishonestly, it doesn’t matter which).
* trying to tell you who you are or how much you matter in the World, particularly if they give you list of negative “you …..” Messages (a negative inventory - see below)
* telling you what you can or cannot do without a reasonable explanation
* denying your right to be the real and authentic you.
* trying to build up their sense of power or control by taking some of yours.
* trying to reduce or limit your personal rights (list below)
* trying to steal your time, your joy of being who you are
* how much you may be helping them to do this!
Practise hanging on to your power every day on small issues so you develop your hanging on to power skills. Then you will be ready when you need to handle a really big attempt to pinch yours.
Don’t let anyone ‘steal’ your Personal Rights from you
Suppose that each Friday after you are have been paid for your week’s work, you are off to do some shopping. The money in your bag or wallet is yours, you have earned it. It has power.
However, each Friday, the same individual comes up to you, at the same street corner, threatens you with a gun and takes your money.
If you continued to accept this, without telling anyone or without even choosing to go shopping by another route, most people (including the thief) would see you as awfully stuck in your powerless or PYRO zone.
Of course, this wouldn’t happen, people act differently when they are robbed.
Yet the same people often keep silent when their personal rights are taken from them over and over again in much the same manner and often by the same person.
Talking or writing openly about your rights helps you to maintain and defend them. Not talking about them makes it easier for others to undermine your rights. And if you don’t communicate about the robbery at the time it is happening, it may be too late afterwards.
A good way to bring the issue out into the open is to use open and self aware, grown-up communication techniques like levelling.
“Who I am .... is none of Their business!”
...... Pia Mellody
Dealing with negative “You are .....” Label messages
Whenever another person starts a sentence with
“You are ....(any negative label) ...” that’s a good time to remind yourself:
1. It’s only a label and it’s their label, not yours.
2. Who you are and how much you matter in the World is none of their business. What you do is not who you are. Your doings are not your beings (..... Pia Mellody)
3. It is usually 96%-99% untrue. If they run three or more negative “you” messages together one after the other it is even less true. That’s called a negative inventory. If there is one thing that might be true that will be the one item they don’t mention.
4. It is all about something they want you to do, say, think or feel for them
5. It is your absolute right to reject their labels (totally). It is not yours and it doesn’t fit you.
It may help if you ask them straight out
“So just what is it that you want me to do, say, think or feel for you? (.... for that other person).
If you are finding it difficult to reject a “You are ....” Label, that’s a sign you need to do a bit more work on your boundaries.
WARNING All this can also apply to some manipulative pretend positive kinds of
“You are .......(flattering or complimenting)...... ” labels.
Practise and Protect your Personal Rights
Your Personal rights exist apart from legal and democratic rights, such as the right to vote. Recognising that you have these rights and that others have the same rights helps you be more powerful, more open and self aware, more grown-up: Examples:
* The right to be consulted before-hand, by any person making a decision or change that will affect you and to be offered a reasonable explanation
* The right to choose between ‘yes’; ‘no’ ’ I’ll need to think about it’ or ‘I don’t think so’
* The right not to “have to” explain or justify your feelings to anyone, unless you choose to
* The right to try new or different problem-solving methods
* The right to question other people’s ‘rules’
* The right to learn by making your own mistakes
Other Ways to Give Power Away
Believing anyone who tells you “Unfortunately, there’s nothing you / I can do about it”
Believing anyone who tells you “Nobody else has had a problem with it.”
Being too compliant, too much peace-keeping, too much avoiding rocking the boat
Fear including fear of change or fear of the future
Sending body signals that you feel powerless
Treating people’s emotional masks are if they were real
Planning your future by looking in the rear view mirror instead of at the road ahead
Getting stuck in Negative Bonding patterns
Below the Surface
Old Core beliefs about your being Powerless or not deserving to be have any power
Slipping back into PYRO (an emotional age when you feel too young to handle power)
Emotional wounding past or present
A history of childhood or developmental trauma (DTD)
Hiding and masking vulnerability
Hiding Authentic self
Pretend Parenting PRO team at work)
Negative Bonding patterns (PYRO team and Pretend Parents at work)
Disowned inner selves
They fight and you Lose - You halt them - You win
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DISCLAIMER: Growing Awareness Pty Ltd as publishers of this web-site and John Bligh Nutting as author do not dispense or recommend medical or psychiatric advice, nor prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for any diagnosable medical or psychiatric condition. Any such action should only be taken by you as your personal choice and either directly or indirectly on the advice of a physician or a qualified therapist.
A Self Awareness site to help Men and Women deal with their Inner Patriarchs and Inner Matriarchs
|Inner Patriarch's Patterns|
|Inner Matriarch patterns|
|Don't Give Your power Away|
|Vulnerability is Natural and Real|
|Anti labelling Kit|
|Question old rules|
|Sorces of Power|
|Self Defeating RSDP|
|DTD Developmental Trauma Disorder|
|Is it Safe for me to Change|
|Personal or Impersonal|
|The Path and the Holes|
|More About John Nutting|